The first Gathering Genie Circle

Gathering Genies across spaces met on 27th July at the first Gathering Genie Circle to pause, notice & learn together!

We began with a reflection exercise with Genuine Contact™ transfer in cards - relating the card to what we are noticing in gatherings - reflections included sun, sky, joy, collective, authenticity, allowing, wonder, health, humour, vision....aspects that sometimes we miss to experience in work related gatherings....

We then went into a story circle of our recent experiences in hosting gatherings. It was amazing to listen to a variety of gatherings including a quarterly team review, meetings with government, meetings with the community, workshop on education.... stories instead of ppts, starting playfully, vision alignment, sharing life journies, user experience, appreciation all helped to build connection, empathy & deeper learning.

We then in smaller groups reflected on our hopes & fears of hosting gatherings... it was again very interesting to see aspects that related to the visible (behaviours, expressions, words, actions) and also the invisible (self belief, assumptions, needs).. in silence the participants reflected more on their hope and fear and what was above the water and what was below. People could discover links between their actions and core values like inclusion and need for connection for example.

One person talked about the need for connection & inclusion stemming from their unmet need for connection... in a way all our needs are universal and relatable in some way - love, appreciation, recognition, connection, safety, belonging, pride......

When gatherings intentionally balance task (rational aim) with connection (experiential aim), magic happens!

We then reflected on what this experience meant for us...

"carrying the authenticity of the group with me"
"I feel the sense of self worth that I get from being able to get into a thinking space makes me really loved. Thank you for letting my baby be a part of it in spontanously"
"thank you for creating a beautiful space today 🙂"
"never realised 2 hours could pass sooo quick 🙂 Great experiences and stories...and the understanding that we are not alone"
"learning and sharing from others without filters"
"collective joy"
"came into the meeting with a lot of nervousness but all is well & excellent. Look forward to next gathering session and felt happy to be part of this team 🙂"
"Feeling so light and positive after the session."
"Refreshing… Aladdin got lots of genie here ...."

Amazing to design and hold this space with you Tulika Mehra! Thank you for your presence, engagement and authenticity.

A unique birthday gathering

My birthday is around the time of bad air making us run to the hills so I have not celebrated with my friends for the longest I can remember ... last year we were about to leave just a day after, so I thought why not invite all my girlfriends together for a CIRCLE Night - not just about me but about friendship! I have great friends across parts of my life - school, college, my son's school, work, peer facilitators but they do not all know each other.. just the thought of all these amazing women together gave me goose bumps... I anxiously sent the invite message and to my surprise, all of them said they would love to join... just like that...

The night came, we all gathered, enjoyed nice home made pani puries and chaat, as in any party people kept strolling in... it was around 9 pm... my dear friend Tulika Mehra asked "aren't you doing the circle?" ... I hesitated ... the evening was going well anyways.... should I.... I took the plunge and said let's do it... I invited my girlfriends towards the more open back space, we sat in a circle in cushions and everyone curiously stared at the basket in the centre which had a range of play things... 

I opened the circle with bells inviting all to choose one object and reflect on it silently.. I then invited them to reflect on what that object tells them about friendship...People hesitated a bit but then slowly everyone picked up something... after some silence, we paired up with someone and share our reflections... and when I rang the bells they had to introduce their partner and share their reflection in the circle... people giggled some shifted in their seats... then the partners got formed... and the conversations started... oh how the energy just shifted... it did not feel like a room of strangers could connect so deeply so quickly.... we came back in the circle and everyone shared one by one their partner's reflection.... we could not have had a more rich and healing conversation about one the most basic nurturing aspects of our lives - friendship.... people heard each other and felt not a sense of envy but a sense of inspiration.. a sense of "this is possible".... we then got into a conversation of their stories about me.... my school friends could not believe my son's school parents that I am such a stickler for time since I was also late going to school/ college....one of my friends said "oh, this is what you do and you get paid for it!!!!"... it was one of those moments of deep humility and gratitude that this room full of women loved me and held me in their care....

We closed by inviting everyone to write one thing that energised/ nourishes us... and then we swapped the cards... I got "detailed gossip with my besties"....

This is a story of how a personal gathering can build connection & meaning!

What makes me love facilitating orientations of new journeys?

Remember a time when we started something new - a new role or a new job….it is a change in our life… with any change there are mixed feelings of excitement and curiosity of new beginnings and also the sadness of what you are leaving behind, the fear, self doubt, anxiety about what is to come.

Different people respond differently - some thrive when thrown into the unknown and embrace challenges head on while some may cringe at the thought of shifting from known to the unknown and may thoroughly miss what was left behind - even though mentally they believe they want to make the change.

Some unspoken questions one may experience…. 

• Who are these people, really? 

• What is this organisation really like - are they really as good as they sound or as my friends say? How do things really happen here? 

• Why am I really here? What sense does this experience make in my life story? 

• Where am I in this group? How do I fit? How do I belong? How will I relate to all these different people? Do I have the energy to start afresh and make new connections? How much of myself can I really reveal here? What is accepted? What is frowned upon?

• I am away from my home for the first time, how will I manage?

• I just got out of college --- what do I really know? 

• I was comfortable in my old job… Did I really need to quit and go back to school? What was I thinking?  

• I signed up for this… can I really do this? What if I can’t? What if I hate it here after a few days/ weeks/ months? What will my parents say? What will my friends say? 

People are so different. Some speak to think, some think to speak. Some are quiet reflectors, some energetic action seekers. Some need to know the why before starting anything, some want to just jump in and see what happens. Some like being told on their face how others feel or how they did right there and then, while some would like this to happen privately afterwards. Some are masters of words, some masters of connection. Some love to read, some love to debate……A space needs time for these differences to be noticed, acknowledged and accepted as unique qualities that affect how a person chooses to show up and engage in a space.  

As the creators/ holders of a new space which is embracing new people, we hold an important yet much needed responsibility - how might we 

• Acknowledge that these mixed feelings are real for many… they maybe conflicting… they may not make sense to us… but they are there.. They are alive for those who are joining…they represent their different identities, their past stories…  

• Provide a space where people can connect with their own feelings and make sense of them, where they can share and listen to others do the same - where they can safely show up more fully and be seen and heard for who they are, where they can respectfully make requests of each other that can help make the collective experience meaningful for everyone…  

• Invite their leadership by asking questions that help people make sense of their choices, connect with their inner motivations and give a voice to their “why” 

• Be prepared to go slow - to help people really “arrive” with their whole being into our space before we excitedly tell them about what to expect…. 

• Accept that even though that information may be shared - people listen, absorb, understand, interpret in different ways and at different paces….and we may need to really CONNECT with them before we do anything else 

• ........

As a team, we go from one batch to next... often carrying so much with us.... how might we make space for us to process these feelings of the past and to surface our own feelings about the new journey - letting go of all that did not go well last time, be curious about what new will emerge, understand our own energy to initiate and sustain connections….mindfully balance what we need to do (task) and our relationships (people).... so can enter the space with those joining new with refreshed energy....

In a line, how might we really humanise the experience of starting together?

What Puppetry Can Teach Us About Holding Magical Spaces

 

One of the core foundations of a connected & purposeful community are their "rituals". They create predictability, bonding and reverence to shared values. For our family, one of our most looked forward to ritual is attending the annual Ishara Puppet Theatre Festival! We have been watching this since the past 11 eleven years (minus Covid years) It is a pure sensory delight and ignites all those latent childhood urges we have been suppressing since we grew up. 

As I sat watching the show last night managed all by one single person on stage - I could not help but wonder what can puppetry teach us about holding spaces. Of course one can learn so much from the stories (the content) themselves - but we can learn so much more from the process and behaviours of the puppeteers!  

Orientation helps build ease 

First Ishara's founder comes on stage and introduces the festival, how it started, a bit about its journey, what their values are in organising these festivals and what the audience can expect today! Many of us in the audience are repeat attendees - but still these few minutes - with Dadi's warm and inviting presence helps us arrive in the space. It helps us connect with Ishara and their "way" of being and doing. 

Values in Action 

They always start and end on time - even as the audience was pouring in. The Ambassadors/ Guests sit among the audience only - no special seating! They have operated the festival over the years without any corporate sponsorship - this means that we get to the announcement very last minute (living values also have costs that we'd rather bear that not live the value!) - but Ishara can do what it wants to do in its purest of form.  

Co-create the experience with the audience 

Many times we feel the pressure to be the star of the show and that we are alone responsible for the experience! But puppeteers are masterful at involving the audience in co-creating the experience. Yesterday, the puppeteer set up the whole stage along with the audience. He taught lines of the chorus of the main song to everyone. He set up the audience to be able to engage through the show. So whenever he would start humming the tune, the audience would start singing. At the end, all the kids and adults were humming the tune and singing the words... "Imagine......"

Create the element of surprise 

The puppeteer day before in a chasing scene was sprinkling water at one of the characters and of course that water would splash at the audience too - leading to sounds of AHsss and OHsss.... at the end it seemed as if the whole bucket will be hurled at us and what came out was confectionary instead! Oh the feeling that created - of relief yet wonder and surprise. Almost all puppeteers never show the puppets in full right away - there is an element of slowness and almost anxious waiting - to really build up the curiosity of what is about to come!  

Work with what happens - improvise 

With any live performances, there are always goof ups! This time it was pigeons pooping right on the stage (and only on the stage!) all through the show. How did they handle it - Dadi called it out right upfront with a laugh and just prepared everyone for it:) 

The puppeteers ask the audiences questions (last night it was jokes) - the risk here are so many - many people wanting to speak, not understanding what people are saying in terms of accent, or the person answering not understanding what they are supposed to say...The puppeteer heard 3-4 jokes and chose one to keep referring to through the performance:) It was so delightful to hear one's own joke being referred to! 

Help people feel supported to engage 

Related to the risk mentioned above, when puppeteers ask for volunteers from the audience - it can be tough to manage both for the puppeteer and for the volunteers. You have limited time and need people to understand your instructions and do what is needed. The volunteers feel the adrenaline rush but are also scared/ anxious if they will understand what is needed and if they would do it well enough without being blinded by the light and overwhelmed with the sounds. 

The puppeteer yesterday was so so masterful at acknowledging every little action of the volunteers - "hey by the way you are great at taking directions..." or "hey, you got the lyrics of the song so quickly...." or "your height of holding the cloth is just right..." - small small appreciations that helps the volunteers feel confident and acknowledged and ready to do more. 

Close well
Once the show is over and the audience is still in rapt wonder, Dadi comes on stage, acknowledges all the puppeteers and their support teams. He invites the Chief Guest to come and gift (in cloth bags which I love) the puppeteers. This little ritual helps everyone to "transfer out" of the experience through appreciation, acknowledgement and gratitude. And they always talk about what is coming next!  

I am sure as I attend more shows (we have 4 more lined up this week), new learnings will come to light:) 

If you are in Delhi and want magic in your evenings, check out Ishara! 

"What makes you comfortable at...... "

photo credit 

I was seated at one of the lunches at a facilitator exchange workshop recently. I looked around the table and was wondering what interesting question I could ask that could give me a glimpse into people's authentic selves! And then popped the question... what makes you comfortable ... We were just talking about travelling so I customised the question as "what makes you comfortable at a new place you travel to....? 

This opened the door to amazing and diverse sharing - knowing where to go, having wifi access immediately, a smile, meeting friendly people, a comfortable space to stay, being familiar with the surroundings...each and every person on that table brought a new perspective to the table that was so uniquely them. 

I just started imagining what awareness and connection can happen if we ask questions starting with these simple words...

* what makes you comfortable at a party?

* what makes you comfortable at an internal meeting?

* what makes you comfortable at an external conference/ training/ workshop? 

* what makes you comfortable at a dinner with friends?

* what makes you comfortable at a family group call?

* what makes you comfortable at an interview?

* what makes you comfortable at a performance conversation? 

Even with people we think we know, we often are unaware of these preferences - simple ways we can help people come into a state of ease. Just being curious about these can create the bridge we need to a meaningful and beautiful conversation. 

So go ahead try using these conversation starters at your next meet up! 

Why Trainings Don't Work?

 

This was the result of my recent Linkedin poll. Majority responded that trainings do not lead to real life impact because of no follow up mechanism followed by more content less practice and incorrect need assessment. Some of explanations were very insightful:

• Often people who ask for the workshops to be conducted have a completely different idea from those who are participating of what is required.
• a rooted belief that workshops are different from real life.
• more theoretical workshops v/s practical ones
• because very often the intention and purpose of the trainings are limited to the training itself - like an end in itself. Participants invest themselves in any training, to the best of their abilities, interests, etc...and yet, I feel, with very few people either reporting back on some key aspects of the training, or taking up some follow up work/processes- over a period of time, the curiosity and/or relevance of trainings as potential to be applied in real life is reduced. 
• most trainings are designed to tap into the "mind" and "body" quadrants of the MWT- that is only the mental capacities and action-packed/oriented - they miss out on other important/humane aspects like co-created/shared vision, and bringing in a sense of community, belonging, ownership etc (connecting to the vision and community of the MWT [Medicine Wheel Tool]-).
• Inappropriate need assessment and lack of opportunity to apply the learnt skills contributes to it.

In a way the answers seem quite obvious, yet we keep designing trainings as "bubbles" that have nothing or little to do with participants existing lives and their past, present or future. 

So here are some thoughts for you to consider if you are a sponsor who would like a group to learn new skills or a facilitator who is designing the trainings:

Take the time really understand the needs - if the desired behaviours are not seen consistently, why could that be happening? 

Is that people know what to do but do not have the will to do it or feel they cannot do it or do not have the permission or space to practice those behaviours? The resolution for this is to better understand the barriers for practice/ living behaviours which could be multiple - perception of no time, fear of response from peers/ superiors/ team members....? Sometimes training or more training may not be the solution at all and what is needed is an open dialogue and problem solving approach from everyone involved. HR is a great position to bring this to notice of all concerned and support a process to collectively find the solutions. 

Is it that people actually do not what to do? This would indicate a real learning gap.

Once the decision to impart new skills is taken collectively with buy in from those who need it, the next step is to see how to make the whole process integrated into trainees actual work lives. 

Think of readiness - have trainees reflect on their current experiences around that skill area and identify what works and what doesn't.

Involve their superiors in the process somehow. A great facilitator I know has trainees sign an agreement with their boss about a specific follow up plan or a upcoming opportunity to apply learnings soon after the workshop.

In the training itself, engage the whole person - their body, mind, spirit and emotions. While their mind may understand and body is doing the work, their heart and soul need some more time to fully embrace the learning - see its relevance for their own lives - and generate that will to act. 

In the training itself have people do the work on their work related challenges. The more they do the work in the training, the easier it is for them to continue doing so post the workshop.

Help them think about how will they communicate with their teams about their new skills/ behaviours. Team members often get shocked by their bosses new behaviours and this is like rubbing salt on a wound - trainees muster up courage to try new skills only to meet either skepticism, surprise or downright scorn of their teams who cannot understand what happened to their boss or believe that these are short term effects anyways. 

Learning does not stop at the training. Light bulbs keep going off much afterwards. There needs to be follow up sessions/ mentoring circles prescheduled for some months ahead where trainees can come together, talk about their experiences of applying the new kills, celebrate small wins and also brainstorm next level of challenges. The embedding of the new skills will happen only with repeated practice, compassionate feedback and witnessing positive impact on a consistent basis. [a great example of how a group offers life long mentoring circles to anyone who has taken their training module across the years]

There is so much skepticism about the nil or at best short term effects of training programs. Let us not see them as one stop experience but a more integrated learning journey that actually helps make people's lives better!