Letting go.....

For the first time, we are living somewhere else besides Delhi - Mashobra and Shimla have been our home since the past five weeks. The dense forest, the freshness of the air, the colours of the fall/ winter, the variety of long tailed birds, the meandering paths, the different sun sets, the changing shapes of the clouds, the starry sky.......all have added a certain stillness in me which I have not experienced in a long time. A stillness that is giving me fresh perspectives, motivation to do things I would not have wanted or felt I had time for, feeling gratitude for so much life has to offer, deeper love and connection with family and friends.....

And once in while something I experience gives me a AHA moment for my facilitation practice. 

One day we were were hiking around the hills near our cottage. I saw a path that was dense, coated with dry leaves and pine cones and leading down an interesting trail. I felt so drawn to it but my son wanted to take another path. We chose that and ended up back at our cottage through a rather adventurous and thorny climb! 

Since that day I could not wait to go down that path. The next time we went down I took my family to the path and after a while of exploring they wanted to go to another path. A sensed a feeling of tightness in my shoulders and frustration building up - I gently tried to nudge them down my path, yet they were quite keen to explore the other one. In a moment of clarity, I just let go of my path and parked it for a time where I could explore it on my own. 

We kept exploring down and up, across a small pond. And what do you know - we finally ended up in a similar part of the forest as my path and boy that was even more amazing than my path - and the best part that path actually eventually joined pack the path I wanted to take in the first place! My family kept asking "so was this as fun as your path?" and I said "even better". 

So what does this have to do with facilitation. I spend a lot of time diving into the context, the larger why, the vision, the values and participants before I get down to the design. In the design I explore a variety of ways to make the session engaging and also focus on outcomes that are important. I get lost and find myself again. Then once the design the ready I get down to prep - my favourite part - from the big things like the content, methods, templates, slide deck, pre work/ readiness for group etc....to the smallest of things like the music I want to play or the plants I want to keep around or posters I want on the wall. 

Do you notice how many "I"s were in the paragraph above...? I sometimes get to a place where it becomes all about me and I become distant from the group. As we open the space, we move through the flow and sometimes there is a tension - the group needs something and my agenda says something else - I feel the same tightness in my shoulder, the same frustration bubbling up and then sometimes not always a moment of clarity comes and I release - I let go of my immediate plan/ agenda/ activity and I flow. 

And so many times I find that where we end up was far more meaningful and beautiful than I could have ever imagined! 

This capacity of being open to outcome is evolving. What helps 

• as much of a consistent practice of grounding (breathing, gratitude practice, moving my body, eating well, resting, emotional centeredness, reconnecting with my purpose and values) - I first started doing these just before the session and now I see the shift in giving attention to this self care on a more regular basis 
• remembering that covering about the plan is a guide and not a prescription - the painting gets painted with the group not just by me
• giving myself pauses in between
• frequent check ins with the group with a genuine interest in listening especially when I feel at a crossroad and cannot see the next step very clearly, and 
• the discipline of reflecting once its over to capture what I learnt and what I would like to do differently next time.....seeking feedback proactively from participants, co-facilitators, mentors 

Do you resonate with this experience and capacity? What helps you in "being open to outcome" as a facilitator? 

(Deep gratitude to my dear friend Vibha who since 2013 is nurturing this capacity in me and the Genuine Contact community that we are both part of that initiated this learning in us)