Social Dancing & Facilitation

As I return from my weekly social dancing classes on Sundays, my mind wonders what this experience is teaching me about facilitation... let's start by unpacking what actually happens in class. 

As you enter the class, it is a warm and welcoming feeling - people hug, say hello as if they have known each other a long time... there is usually a five min chit chat time before the class begins! 

Our instructor Aamir teaches us a new step set for the dance form we are learning (Waltz or Rock n Roll) in a sequential way. He first demonstrates how the step looks as danced with a partner - when we first see this - we are both "wowed" and "howed"... meaning we can imagine how it will feel when we do this effortlessly and then our enthusiasm is crushed by the thought of the complexity of the step! Aamir then breaks up the full step into parts and teaches the leads and followers the step separately. We are able to slowly get comfortable with how each one of us has to move with a verbal count. He often asks us to name what we are doing - he says this helps our body do it more easily (e.g. kick - collect - kick - step)... We practice doing our step on our own ... as we are doing it.. either one of the two instructors comes and helps us if we are confused... We feel good as we feel we have figured it out. 

He then makes us partner up and practice the step (without music) with a partner... a-ha! This is a tricky - usually the lead and follower steps are different - each one of us is following our own head as we do the step and it takes a while to synchronise... we are still counting or saying out loud what we are doing... he makes us switch partners... again same awkwardness and slow alignment... they again go around and ensure that the couples are getting the step ... 

Then comes the next stage... dancing to the music... this means we have quiet down the counting and the name of the steps and follow the beat of the music. This is really a fun part of the whole experience - as we realise "yay" we are doing it! This works still since we are practicing just the step we have learnt - so we are operating out of our own mental recap and following our own mind rather than follow the lead of the partner. 

Then he says mix it all up with all the steps we have learnt and just enjoy dancing! This is harder than it looks... Now I do not know what step my partner will lead me into... he could use any sequence any number of times.... I struggle with this. I tend to lead myself and do the step as I imagine it is rather then quieten my mind and just feel where the partner is trying to take me... I tend to predict what the next step is in my head instead of pausing after the the last one and just sensing what my partner is telling me to do with their hands, palms, legs and feet! It takes me a while to fully let go... and just flow with the music.. but when I do... its the best feeling in the whole wide world! 

At the end of the class, he gathers us for a group photo... a nice feeling of closing out :) 

So I wonder what all this is telling me about holding spaces and also being in spaces held by others...

* While I talk a lot about learning being head-heart-hand experiences - I realise its so much a journey from head to hand to heart....I am hearing or watching something new - my mind is trying to conceptually understand and imagine what that is... (here also I think of ways of teaching...imagine just learning the dance step by listening to the steps instead of watching a demo of the steps!)... so I am in my head.... then I am telling me body to copy what I am seeing and hearing.... it still feels mechanical like a puppet show... the changes are awkward and not smooth...so I shift into the hand phase.... then as my body gets comfortable with practice.... and I try to connect with my partner while feeling the music....I flow.... and I get in the "heart".... 

* Connecting with others is about letting go - As I glide with my partner through the whole room to the sound of the waltz, I need to shut down predicting what is next or my thoughts about work or home or food... because in that nano second .. I loose the connection....and the beat...And funnily disconnecting my mind is asking myself to connect with my intuition/ my body/ my senses/ my environment..... it reminds me of what Patrick Swayze tells the girl in Dirty Dancing II - "If you can't move through your fear and connect with yourself, there's absolutely no way you're going to connect with your partner." 

 * Teaching is much harder and granular than we realise - we underestimate how hard it can be to teach someone something new.... how to figure out where to start... how to break up the steps.... when to introduce complexity.......sometimes a step he will teach us would look like nothing of what we saw him do... its like Mr. Miyagi getting students to paint walls or wax the car or scrub the floor... its worth thinking about which muscle we need to build to actually do what we need to do? 

* The learner judges the experience not by all the little steps the teacher teaches... but by what she can actually do at the end..... Aamir realises that people do not come to dance class to learn gazillion steps .. they come because they want to feel like they can dance ... which he always captures in the "show off" and the videos... where we see ourselves gliding and rocking and come to believe that we can dance! 

If this post inspired you to dance, check out https://www.instagram.com/ballrumours/