2020 flashback - how I took care of my whole self!

 

(this is a version of the Medicine Wheel Tool created by Birgitt and Ward Williams that is adapted from the Medicine Wheel created by the indigenous peoples around the world from the beginning of recorded time)

It was April 2013, with curiousity and openness I walked into Vibha's training. The seats were arranged in a circle, there were stones in a bowl in the centre, there was posters on the wall, there was natural light streaming through the big glass windows...the whole space had such a warm, calming and inviting feeling you would have thought you have walked into a spa:) Yet this was a three day training on "whole person process facilitation". One of the first worksheets we had to reflect on was - how do you as a facilitator take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually? 

This question got me thinking for the first time about my "whole being". I was fascinated that this was at the core of effective and authentic facilitation - how I showed up for myself largely determined how I showed up for others? This realisation did not only have impact on my role as a facilitator but in my role in every relationship. I noticed then that while I did take care of my physical and mental being, I was not so conscious about taking equal care of my emotional and spiritual being. 

Over the past seven years, I am on the path to develop and maintain simple practices to take care of my whole being. It is also amazing that my son's learning space Aarambh also places immense value at the whole being of the child and parents at the heart of everything. 

Just a few days ago while hiking I listened to this beautiful podcast on "balance" by the creators of this approach. This sparked the idea that I want use this lens to look back at the year and take stock of my own state of health and balance. In doing so I want to acknowledge and express my gratitude to all those who have made these practices possible! 

Especially given how unique and special this year was, I am so happy with myself that I chose to pay attention to my whole being. It is interesting that this lens has shown up so often in almost all the spaces I have held this year:) 

I have deep gratitude to my parents who are my role models every day as they take care of their own mind, body, spirit and emotions! A special thanks to Vibha, Tulika, Rahul, Gaurav Bhai and Kanu Priya - folks who always remind me that there is so much more to life and living than I can ever imagine! 

Taking care of my physical being 

I take care of what I feed my body. I eat wholesome meals on time (thanks to my lovely home manager Shankar Bhaiya who has been with us for over 19 years!). I love fruits and eat atleast 3-4 daily. We grow our own green veggies in baskets on our terrace thanks to the support of Edible Routes and Daisy from the store Roots provides me a good supply of wholesome foods:) This year especially we have made special efforts to recreate our favourite dishes at home - we made Gujarati snacks, Asian, south Indian, undhiyun...and even tried making bread:) 

I am trying (not so consistent) to take a pause before eating and really imagine how the food is nourishing me and expressing my gratitude for all those who make it possible for me to eat. During lockdown, we as a family would ring the sound bells before eating:) 

I move quite regularly. Being a mom makes it easier now:) We walk, cycle, dance, use the stairs.....stretch few times a day. I am outdoors a lot and take as much green as possible. 

I sleep fairly well and mostly around the same time. I make sure I do get a good night's sleep before heavy days. 

I use natural products on my skin as much as possible. I find Blossom Kochhar products affordable and effective. 

Generally my body is in health treated with homeopathy as and when it was needed. I have been able to stay away from allopathy for a while now. I am so grateful to my doctor who is not only available but also very motivating to stay the course. 

Taking care of my mental being 

I take care of what I feed my mind. 

I have spent time to clean up my inbox, my subscriptions, my Facebook feeds and I like to follow folks that deepen my facilitation practice and conscious living. Barbara Mckay, Birgitt Williams, Priya Parker, Brene Brown have been amazing women to read and every post/ mailer inspires me to take some life nurturing action towards myself. 

I like watching shows and movies that our uplifting and nurture my mind. 

I alternate between travel books and books about topics that impact my facilitation.  And this tickles my mind and soul in just the right ways. This year, I have thoroughly enjoyed David Attenborough's Adventures of a Young Naturalist, Stewart Lee's The Devil's Cup - history of the world through coffee, Hit Refresh by Satya Nadella, Together by Vivek Murthy and Dare to Lead by Brene Brown.  

I have stretched myself this year and taken the risk of taking on challenging assignments with amazing co-facilitators. Thank you Sanjeev Roy, Sanjeev Ganguly, Shipra, Jaiti, Simran, Aditi, Darpan, my dear late Stefan and Alevtina. I learnt how to get comfortable with online spaces for various types of purposes (team building, facilitation training, visioning....) and tried out new tools while staying anchored at the basics. I was part of over 20 spaces that reached about 400 individuals :)

I love creating beauty and noticing beauty whether it is pausing to go "wow" at a flower, the sky, someone's sari, staring at hills......or arranging my home so I see beauty and inspiration everywhere, adding beautiful pictures, backgrounds and music to my slide decks.....small changes that make things pleasing to all my senses......

For most of 2020, I went on a phone fast on Sundays! It was so refreshing not to pick up the phone at every free moment and every ring! 

I focus on my own learning and growth and I realise I cannot do it alone - I am part of three amazing learning communities of facilitators - the Genuine Contact community, the International Association of Facilitators and the Facilitators Learning Spiral (a community of friends, peers who I have crossed paths with through the years). Thank you dear Abhi and Kejal for sharing your experiences and your lovely webinar series:) 

I find decluttering my space helps me decluttering mind. We as a family have reduced a lot of our belongings year by year and it feels so good to just have what you need! 

Taking care of my emotional being 

This year I have tried to pay more attention to my relationships - to myself and to others. 

I have tried to "show up and be more fully present" with Parth and Ayan. It did help that Ayan would also remind me gently the times I was not fully present. This has helped me state my needs more clearly.

For the first time, my immediate family got together on zoom for family gatherings a few times in the year. These were inclusive, thoughtful and so motivating. 

We decided to move right next door to my parents so we could be there for them and vice versa! 

I have better efforts at keeping in regular touch with my friends, sisters, niece, extended family and peers who I really enjoy working and learning with. 

We celebrated so many festivals at home with whatever we had and could make at home :) 

I reached out for help...a former colleague and dear friend was my coach for a few months and helped me better understand and befriend my emotions rather than shut them down. Kanu Priya - I have loved each and every one of our check in calls this year that always turn out to be a whole being conversation! 

Working on the laptop for hours, this beautiful bell sound helps me pause, check my posture and just breathe......

Remembering these two sets of principles that are on my walls, my phone gallery and in my heart (again thank you Vibha and the Genuine Contact community for bringing these in my life) - 

"whoever comes are the right people; whenever it starts, it starts; when its over its over, when its not over its not over; whatever happens is the only thing that could have...." Harrison Owen

"show up and be fully present; pay attention to what has heart and meaning; tell the truth without blame and judgement; focus on and be open to outcome..." Angeles Arrien 

Taking care of my spiritual being 

I think it was this year that I really embraced being still. I am coming closer to a daily breathing practice thanks to the lovely Plum Village community. I even put up posters around my home to remind me to breathe.....The lockdown led to many minutes of just sitting in the balcony and just soaking in what was around. 

I am becoming more reflective - I have been more regular than ever before at maintaining a diary where I write, doodle, draw....since past few weeks I have been in the hills I have restarted a "gratitude" journal (thanks Vibha for this bug too!). 

Mentoring young facilitators gives me so much meaning - I love looking at draft designs and talk with young facilitators through their own journey. 

I love sharing my parenting journey with other parents and talk about our own journey at Aarambh with as many folks as possible. Thank you to our dear teachers who said no to "online classes" and have been gently guiding us to first take care of ourselves and then work with our children with love and joy. 

I go back often to my purpose and values as I navigate life. When the lockdown began and I was feeling quite lost - I went back and reconnected with my purpose ("holding spaces for conversations that matter") and values and these offered me direction about what I wanted to offer the world. 

This year I have painted, drawn, coloured, knitted, created, cooked, cleaned with love....mostly with my son ...thank you Ayan for bringing out the child in me so much more often .....and also for your focus and care in everything that you do! 

At the beginning of the year I wanted to bring in music more consciously into my facilitation - I played/ strummed my guitar in mostly all my spaces and also just for fun a lot more than I did earlier.  

Lastly what has done most wonders for my spirit is living in the hills for the past 8 weeks! We finally managed to get out and so grateful for our friends who helped us feel at home here. We just had so much fun in the first snowfall of the season! 

Wow this whole process of looking back through this lens was amazing! Though it looks like a really cool list of quite a few practices, not all of these happened consistently and not all at the same time. Like everyone else, I go through cycles of high self-critic, frustration with self into moments of self-love and acceptance. Having a bank of these practices helps me to tap into my self-love much faster and more authentically now. 

My wish for 2021 for myself and everyone is that we pay more close attention to the state of health and balance for our whole selves - body, mind, spirit, emotions and then just see the wonders in our life unfold. 

So here is my invitation to you - what can you do in 2021 to take better care of your body, mind, spirit and emotions? 

Letting go.....

For the first time, we are living somewhere else besides Delhi - Mashobra and Shimla have been our home since the past five weeks. The dense forest, the freshness of the air, the colours of the fall/ winter, the variety of long tailed birds, the meandering paths, the different sun sets, the changing shapes of the clouds, the starry sky.......all have added a certain stillness in me which I have not experienced in a long time. A stillness that is giving me fresh perspectives, motivation to do things I would not have wanted or felt I had time for, feeling gratitude for so much life has to offer, deeper love and connection with family and friends.....

And once in while something I experience gives me a AHA moment for my facilitation practice. 

One day we were were hiking around the hills near our cottage. I saw a path that was dense, coated with dry leaves and pine cones and leading down an interesting trail. I felt so drawn to it but my son wanted to take another path. We chose that and ended up back at our cottage through a rather adventurous and thorny climb! 

Since that day I could not wait to go down that path. The next time we went down I took my family to the path and after a while of exploring they wanted to go to another path. A sensed a feeling of tightness in my shoulders and frustration building up - I gently tried to nudge them down my path, yet they were quite keen to explore the other one. In a moment of clarity, I just let go of my path and parked it for a time where I could explore it on my own. 

We kept exploring down and up, across a small pond. And what do you know - we finally ended up in a similar part of the forest as my path and boy that was even more amazing than my path - and the best part that path actually eventually joined pack the path I wanted to take in the first place! My family kept asking "so was this as fun as your path?" and I said "even better". 

So what does this have to do with facilitation. I spend a lot of time diving into the context, the larger why, the vision, the values and participants before I get down to the design. In the design I explore a variety of ways to make the session engaging and also focus on outcomes that are important. I get lost and find myself again. Then once the design the ready I get down to prep - my favourite part - from the big things like the content, methods, templates, slide deck, pre work/ readiness for group etc....to the smallest of things like the music I want to play or the plants I want to keep around or posters I want on the wall. 

Do you notice how many "I"s were in the paragraph above...? I sometimes get to a place where it becomes all about me and I become distant from the group. As we open the space, we move through the flow and sometimes there is a tension - the group needs something and my agenda says something else - I feel the same tightness in my shoulder, the same frustration bubbling up and then sometimes not always a moment of clarity comes and I release - I let go of my immediate plan/ agenda/ activity and I flow. 

And so many times I find that where we end up was far more meaningful and beautiful than I could have ever imagined! 

This capacity of being open to outcome is evolving. What helps 

• as much of a consistent practice of grounding (breathing, gratitude practice, moving my body, eating well, resting, emotional centeredness, reconnecting with my purpose and values) - I first started doing these just before the session and now I see the shift in giving attention to this self care on a more regular basis 
• remembering that covering about the plan is a guide and not a prescription - the painting gets painted with the group not just by me
• giving myself pauses in between
• frequent check ins with the group with a genuine interest in listening especially when I feel at a crossroad and cannot see the next step very clearly, and 
• the discipline of reflecting once its over to capture what I learnt and what I would like to do differently next time.....seeking feedback proactively from participants, co-facilitators, mentors 

Do you resonate with this experience and capacity? What helps you in "being open to outcome" as a facilitator? 

(Deep gratitude to my dear friend Vibha who since 2013 is nurturing this capacity in me and the Genuine Contact community that we are both part of that initiated this learning in us) 

FAQ Flashback - 15 travellers, 4 sailors, one facilitation quest!

I have always drawn immense energy every time I connect with young people around facilitation - the way their bodies shift from a state of formality to ease, the way their questions and sharing deepens with every activity, the way the silence holds the space for their feelings and thoughts to take shape, the way their eyes open wide with wonder at what all is possible when a space is held in a life nurturing way…..This began with the course I taught in Jamia Milia’s Development Communications Department and in the past couple of years the energetic bunch at India Fellows has been a wonderful community to work with. India Fellows go on a 13-month long journey of discovering their own leadership potential. It includes training, mentor-ship, reflections and hands-on work experience with a grassroots organisation working on social issues. 

Every year, a few people write back, some immediately, some after a few months (and even years) at how deeply they experienced the space and were touched by the spark nurtured by a facilitated space. I have seen these individuals evolve and grow in their own facilitation journeys in such unique ways. 

This year from a day long training, we had decided to host a 1.5 day training on facilitation for the current batch of fellows - to allow for more time for them to work on their designs as a practical application of what they learn. Covid happened. Maybe I was yearning for joy and grounding (both of which I find whenever I hold spaces) and I nudged the IF team to consider offering a multi-modular facilitation training ONLINE! Now I had offered some circles before this - but those were not training - more listening circles. I was curious to experience the design process for a training online and I was luckily matched with a group that was willing to experiment and explore what this new platform might unfold. 

For FAQ, We had 14 fellows working across the country and across various projects in social organisations - education, gender, livelihoods, health.  

This whole experience was so life affirming for me professionally and personally. I am in awe of our collective wisdom - 

Jaiti’s creativity on paper and in person, her quest to always bring us back to the purpose/ relevance of whatever we were designing, her intense engagement alongside a full time job...

Aditi’s positive energy, insightful questions and depth of notes….. 

Simran’s innovativeness, initiative, courage and grace in holding spaces....

Overall their humility to trust the whole process and work together with respect and authenticity! 

Here is our collective story! 

Mana-

A lovely poem by Simran about our whole journey! We all read this together in our final module! 

Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much. - Hellen Keller

The first right decision we took early on was to build a bigger team - we brought on three alum of IF across the years - lovers of facilitation who had already been in contact with me. Without batting an eye, Jaiti, SImran and Aditi came on board and an unforgettable journey in all our lives began! 

Conversation is a meeting of minds with different memories and habits. When minds meet, they don't just exchange facts: they transform them, reshape them, draw different implications from them, engage in new trains of thought. Conversation doesn't just reshuffle the cards: it creates new cards. -Theodore Zeldin

The first task was to connect within the four of us and the sponsor - the program representative at IF to together answer the big picture questions - Why are we doing this? What values are important? How do we see the success of this lab? What would be the key design elements of this lab? How can we create an engaging, impactful and life nurturing learning space online? How can we tap the body/ mind/ spirit/ emotions in an online environment?

The result of this late night conversation (most of our planning calls were between 10-12 am as that was the golden hours all were available!) were two fold - a solid realisation that this was a much needed experience for the fellows and a strong alignment on the purpose, values and vision. Our ground was ready - we could now start building the foundation. 

This meeting with the sponsor definitely reaffirmed that beauty lies in the eyes of be holder. The observations and the suggestions from the sponsor were a really value add and it gave us a feeling that we were sailing in a same boat.

It all starts with an idea, you just have to make it alive

 

The internal work began - we culled out what could possibly go into a 3 module facilitation lab. The team added their ideas/ thoughts/ comments - and what was most beautiful was that they brought in the perspective of the target group - as they had been fellows themselves! 

(Mana - This was so important for me as I needed that perspective time and again to balance what I thought was important to be said/ experienced.) 

Key design elements that made the whole experience super exciting and successful -

1. Before the actual sessions started we mapped out the structure that would support the whole experience, some of this of course evolved as we went along, though it helped to have these elements already be in place in some form

- The information we needed from / about fellows to better understand their context and how they are most likely to apply the learning from the Lab

- The pre and post work we would need to do before after each module - this would allow fellows to take their time to internalise the learning and also do some work to apply it step by step 

- The formats in which the design/ the deck would be created 

- How the documentation would be done and shared 

- How the feedback would be taken from fellows 

- How we would note our own observations about the fellows - we formed buddies so each of us chose 3-4 fellows whom we observed more closely and also stayed in touch with to check in frequently about their experience of the lab 

- How would we note our feedback on the lab itself

The google docs were set up and this process enabled self responsibility - once a session was done everyone knew what they each had to do. This really helped us pull through a seamless experience and made our lives much easier (though it was a lot of hard work toooooo!).  

2. We began with an orientation to build readiness and connection with the fellows - my favourite part of this was the whole guided visualisation we did on their hopes and fears from the analogy of knocking on a door! What beautiful images emerged and with so much detail……We specifically ask about “fears” as each one has their own fear and it takes courage to express. Their fear gave us hope that we have created a safe space to take the journey ahead. It also helped make them mindful of what they can do to be more fully present for the lab. 

In the “knock-knock” exercise below, we sat together, visualized a circle space and knocked at the door of the lab in our own minds individually. Some of the fellows came with a colourful excitement to learn new tools, and some came with worries about facilitating difficult conversations.

This worked out as a test run for the four of us also and we could feel more comfortable and ready for the actual modules to begin.

3. We gave a lot of thought to the email invitations that went before every session - added pictures, quotes - gave it really the feel of an “invitation” that felt welcoming and warm. Though these were long and irrelevant for some, it is a resource that they can go back to re-enter the space and get day-wise summaries of the sessions! 

4. We wove in a lot of creativity to bring in the whole person and address various learning styles - from the art work on the slides, to using poetry, puppets, live guitaring, acting, games, visualisations, drawings! We used small groups, individual exercises, large group work to shift energy during the sessions. 

How we feel affects how we learn!  (thanks Vishwas Parachur for this wonderful punchline). We tried as best as we could to make people “feel” excited/ inspired/ motivated…..to ignite the “will” to learn!  

5. We added an element of “live sessions” which fellows had to take between the third and fourth module. This took some time to take off - in our third module we invited everyone to pitch their ideas to the whole group and oh my the energy! The topics chosen were so amazing - so many around self care, well being, connecting together as a commune, building empathy and finding space for conversations.... They each left inspired. 8/14 folks conducted their live sessions before the final module - and each one with such beauty, authenticity and humility. We still keep getting updates from some who are still conducting their sessions:) This opportunity to apply learning in the real context with a strong support system in place was for us the most crucial part of this lab - that made it a lab! Many fellows were participants of these live sessions.

 

6. We took detailed notes and photos of the sessions - more so for us so we have a visual memory of what we actually did and also for participants to have a nice walk down memory lane. These slide decks with notes and pictures helped participants get reconnected with what had happened before arriving at the current module. Aditi's notes were super detailed and gave such a lovely sense of what people shared and Jaiti added beauty to it with her visual notes! 

7. We integrated various ways of collecting feedback and using that to make changes as we moved along. We asked for feedback through a survey after every module, we checked in with our buddies, we held two internal feedback circles one mid way and one at the end (both these were with the sponsor). 

8. We tried to live what we shared - our own internal planning meetings were real circles - started with a check in, went through a guided flow with beautiful slide decks, brought in the “whole person” …. This kept building our muscle to do this together! And what joy these circles were….the best was when the sponsor asked when our next planning meet was as she really needed energy that day! We used the design formats ourselves that we were teaching the group. We reviewed the experience on the same matrix that we shared with the fellows. We took care of our own “whole beings” as best as we could before each session. We began with a grounding exercise just between the four of us before we opened the space for participants. And this made us feel every single time the value that facilitation has brought even to each of us individually. While for some it was a space to do real authentic work, for another it was a place to learn so much and experiment. We all came from different places in our own facilitation journeys, shared the bounty of all our skills and passion, and left with so much more. Something that will keep unwrapping for a long time to come.

Above are glimpses from our own internal planning/ review meets - which were beautiful spaces in themselves with a check in, visuals, rounds of sharing and a check out.

In our final debrief call with the sponsor towards the end she actually suggested “let’s create an open facilitation course online!” Yay! 

Our “grow” areas - we walked away with a lot of learning 

Pace out the content more evenly throughout modules - offer optional support additionally to those who need 

Creating a balance between listening and sharing so participants have more space to pause, reflect and share 

Getting our hands dirty more everyone in the team can take on more active facilitation and got more practice; do internal practice sessions and help each other notice what works, what could be better 

Hone our questioning skills as facilitators so we can ask more than tell to support participants to discover on their own 

Discover more ways to bring in the "whole person' - especially body, emotions and spirit 

Whatever happens, happens - reflect on what happened, celebrate your courage for making it happen,  consider feedback as a gift, and  embrace the learning joyfully

It is just the beginning 

At the end, we were left with a lot of “should haves” as well - we could have done many things better. And yet this whole experience was as much a healing journey as it was a learning journey. The laughter, the sadness, the frustration, the anger, the tiredness….the energy….all surfaced and made space for other feelings to emerge. We worked together with trust, with admiration for each other, with the most intense empathy I have ever experienced. 

We are on different stages of our facilitation journeys and our common belief in the value of facilitation brings us together. Some of us are seeker, some explorer or some may be practitioner. In our journey together, we are life long learners and there is much left to experiment , experience and create .

Source - Barbara Mckay, North Star Facilitators 

This was a long post and if you have reached the end, thank you so much for being a witness to our wonderful adventure! 

The IF Facilitation Quest Team - Aditi, Jaiti, Mana & Simran

Thank you Swati for being a wonderful and engaged sponsor! 

A big shout out to all our mentors, teachers, facilitators across the world who have been a part of our facilitation journey! 

A special mention to the Genuine Contact TM program whose tools, frameworks and principles have been the guiding light throughout the journey! 

"Mama, be fully present!"

This blog is special because it is an attempt to weave two big roles I play in my life - being a mom and a facilitator....its funny, as I write this I realise how the precious word "being" appears and reappears in our lives and yet its depth eludes us.... I was curious to write this as I noticed that in so many of my conversations with peer facilitators I tend to mention how parenting has been such an influence in my facilitation practice and I wanted to really unpack what that meant....

So how has my parenting journey of the last 8 years impacted my facilitation?

1. It has strengthened my presence - As anyone playing with a child will tell you, they can smell distraction a mile away! My son can always tell when I am with him and yet not with him. It is very uncanny. Over the last few years especially I try and consciously transfer out whatever I was doing and transfer into the experience with him - whether it is a chat/ play/ dancing/ fooling around/ cooking/ constructing something together......I am slowly learning to put aside whatever was consuming my mind mostly worries about the past or the future and to focus just in those few wonderful moments that I have with him - could be even just 5 min! I think he also sees that when I am working, I am working. In lockdown, when I was cleaning, I was really cleaning. So when I need to work, he can see that I am fully engaged in my work and he trusts that when I am with him I will be fully engaged with him. The Plum Village app is a big family favourite and listening to their guided breathing audios are really helping my husband and me to be aware of whatever it is we are doing in the moment!

In my facilitation, I can now feel that when I am present, I am fully present. My whole being (body/ mind/ spirit/ emotion) is one with the space I am holding, I am aware and yet I am detached. I can see that I am better connected with the group and I am more willing to let go of my needs/ plans and do what is best suited to what is needed in the moment.

2. It's about the process not the outcome - I think our most memorable times together have been when we are fully engrossed in something we are making/ building/ creating...and the fun of figuring things out.... and it helps that many times I have no idea what output a set of cardboards will actually create! But we just get into the making and we build on each step, we explore what all could be possible....I love it when he says "Mama, I have an idea!", ah music to my years....how he figures out what to use and reuse the same thing for different things (our cycle pump morphs into a steering wheel in his pretend boat/ car/ plane!)... some things work some things don't and we figure out how to keep going...I realise how much he and I just enjoy the process and not just rushing to the outcome.....and then celebrating the outcome that comes!

3.  Doing "nothing" is doing something - I think I never really enjoyed just doing "nothing" as much as I have with Ayan....the times we just sit in balcony and just look around, walking around in parks, watching the sky, the flowers, birds.....and just idling around....and its amazing how this "open space" really "opens up" so much inside organically.

In my facilitation, I have slowly also learnt to sit back and become more detached to my plan, my pace, my "personal opinions"....yes I do still feel anxiety when things are not going as per plan and there are moments of "freeze", I guess I am learning to become aware of these and wait just wait...the way forward emerges most often from the group itself.

4.  Play is work - For adults we see play and work differently, but for children play is work. Ayan's focus as he is engaging in anything (what we call "play") is his work. He has his full attention in it and takes it very very seriously (ironically!). And then I question what is about "play" that is really different from what we see as "work"? I have come to realise that for me facilitation is my "play"...it is a place where I want to be creative, fun, take risks, learn from failure, and more importantly want to just keep playing!

5.  Basics matter - a lot! Food, sleep, environment, movement - It was only doing pregnancy that I really became super conscious about my diet and that habit thankfully stuck! Luckily Ayan goes to a Waldorf learning space which places the child's overall state of health and well being at the centre.... it has made me realise even more how much are the basics important for our functioning and thriving on a day to day basis. Taking care of our diet, movement, moments of breathing in, being outdoors....all of that has helped me become a much better facilitator - and helped in being more grounded, in having more energy, in helping navigate all the emotions that come in holding spaces and in recovering energy and balance between holding spaces. Before Ayan we did not know many so many parks and open spaces that existed around us. Ayan's teachers also advise us to declutter the home environment - keep it simple and beautiful! And this ongoing decluttering has helped me also keep myself in a much more calm state (most of the times)!

6. Connection before communication - mostly all parenting resources I have read talk about this - you cannot get through to your child or make them understand unless you first feel a sense of connection with them. Kim Payne, who I admire a lot for his parenting advise talks about how a child is "disoriented" not "disobedient"! And this constant shift in perspective is what I am striving for in my day to day communication with Ayan. It is so easy to shift into a mode of "blame" and judgement - and much harder to have real empathy and see what is it that could be making him feel pain/ discomfort which is leading to behaviours that I am finding difficult. In the past 8 years, I feel I am practicing this day in and day out - and every such moment is an opportunity to pause, step back and change my perspective. Then it calms me and helps me think of what to say/ what to do that can help calm Ayan down! I cannot tell you how much this is helping me in my facilitation - I am someone who tends to get triggered a lot and easily too. It is easy to label a participant - he doesn't care, he is always like this, he does not get this...... much harder to just pause, step back and ask "what could be going on that may cause this behaviour" and "what am I doing/ can I do to support him/ her at this moment,..." and "what am I willing to let go"...... 

Mana, take a breath now! That felt good:) 

I am sure the reverse is also true....being a facilitator has helped me become a better mom...and that is for another post:) 

It is amazing once you think back and reflect how the various roles you play as a person impact each other....try it out!