2020 flashback - how I took care of my whole self!

 

(this is a version of the Medicine Wheel Tool created by Birgitt and Ward Williams that is adapted from the Medicine Wheel created by the indigenous peoples around the world from the beginning of recorded time)

It was April 2013, with curiousity and openness I walked into Vibha's training. The seats were arranged in a circle, there were stones in a bowl in the centre, there was posters on the wall, there was natural light streaming through the big glass windows...the whole space had such a warm, calming and inviting feeling you would have thought you have walked into a spa:) Yet this was a three day training on "whole person process facilitation". One of the first worksheets we had to reflect on was - how do you as a facilitator take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually? 

This question got me thinking for the first time about my "whole being". I was fascinated that this was at the core of effective and authentic facilitation - how I showed up for myself largely determined how I showed up for others? This realisation did not only have impact on my role as a facilitator but in my role in every relationship. I noticed then that while I did take care of my physical and mental being, I was not so conscious about taking equal care of my emotional and spiritual being. 

Over the past seven years, I am on the path to develop and maintain simple practices to take care of my whole being. It is also amazing that my son's learning space Aarambh also places immense value at the whole being of the child and parents at the heart of everything. 

Just a few days ago while hiking I listened to this beautiful podcast on "balance" by the creators of this approach. This sparked the idea that I want use this lens to look back at the year and take stock of my own state of health and balance. In doing so I want to acknowledge and express my gratitude to all those who have made these practices possible! 

Especially given how unique and special this year was, I am so happy with myself that I chose to pay attention to my whole being. It is interesting that this lens has shown up so often in almost all the spaces I have held this year:) 

I have deep gratitude to my parents who are my role models every day as they take care of their own mind, body, spirit and emotions! A special thanks to Vibha, Tulika, Rahul, Gaurav Bhai and Kanu Priya - folks who always remind me that there is so much more to life and living than I can ever imagine! 

Taking care of my physical being 

I take care of what I feed my body. I eat wholesome meals on time (thanks to my lovely home manager Shankar Bhaiya who has been with us for over 19 years!). I love fruits and eat atleast 3-4 daily. We grow our own green veggies in baskets on our terrace thanks to the support of Edible Routes and Daisy from the store Roots provides me a good supply of wholesome foods:) This year especially we have made special efforts to recreate our favourite dishes at home - we made Gujarati snacks, Asian, south Indian, undhiyun...and even tried making bread:) 

I am trying (not so consistent) to take a pause before eating and really imagine how the food is nourishing me and expressing my gratitude for all those who make it possible for me to eat. During lockdown, we as a family would ring the sound bells before eating:) 

I move quite regularly. Being a mom makes it easier now:) We walk, cycle, dance, use the stairs.....stretch few times a day. I am outdoors a lot and take as much green as possible. 

I sleep fairly well and mostly around the same time. I make sure I do get a good night's sleep before heavy days. 

I use natural products on my skin as much as possible. I find Blossom Kochhar products affordable and effective. 

Generally my body is in health treated with homeopathy as and when it was needed. I have been able to stay away from allopathy for a while now. I am so grateful to my doctor who is not only available but also very motivating to stay the course. 

Taking care of my mental being 

I take care of what I feed my mind. 

I have spent time to clean up my inbox, my subscriptions, my Facebook feeds and I like to follow folks that deepen my facilitation practice and conscious living. Barbara Mckay, Birgitt Williams, Priya Parker, Brene Brown have been amazing women to read and every post/ mailer inspires me to take some life nurturing action towards myself. 

I like watching shows and movies that our uplifting and nurture my mind. 

I alternate between travel books and books about topics that impact my facilitation.  And this tickles my mind and soul in just the right ways. This year, I have thoroughly enjoyed David Attenborough's Adventures of a Young Naturalist, Stewart Lee's The Devil's Cup - history of the world through coffee, Hit Refresh by Satya Nadella, Together by Vivek Murthy and Dare to Lead by Brene Brown.  

I have stretched myself this year and taken the risk of taking on challenging assignments with amazing co-facilitators. Thank you Sanjeev Roy, Sanjeev Ganguly, Shipra, Jaiti, Simran, Aditi, Darpan, my dear late Stefan and Alevtina. I learnt how to get comfortable with online spaces for various types of purposes (team building, facilitation training, visioning....) and tried out new tools while staying anchored at the basics. I was part of over 20 spaces that reached about 400 individuals :)

I love creating beauty and noticing beauty whether it is pausing to go "wow" at a flower, the sky, someone's sari, staring at hills......or arranging my home so I see beauty and inspiration everywhere, adding beautiful pictures, backgrounds and music to my slide decks.....small changes that make things pleasing to all my senses......

For most of 2020, I went on a phone fast on Sundays! It was so refreshing not to pick up the phone at every free moment and every ring! 

I focus on my own learning and growth and I realise I cannot do it alone - I am part of three amazing learning communities of facilitators - the Genuine Contact community, the International Association of Facilitators and the Facilitators Learning Spiral (a community of friends, peers who I have crossed paths with through the years). Thank you dear Abhi and Kejal for sharing your experiences and your lovely webinar series:) 

I find decluttering my space helps me decluttering mind. We as a family have reduced a lot of our belongings year by year and it feels so good to just have what you need! 

Taking care of my emotional being 

This year I have tried to pay more attention to my relationships - to myself and to others. 

I have tried to "show up and be more fully present" with Parth and Ayan. It did help that Ayan would also remind me gently the times I was not fully present. This has helped me state my needs more clearly.

For the first time, my immediate family got together on zoom for family gatherings a few times in the year. These were inclusive, thoughtful and so motivating. 

We decided to move right next door to my parents so we could be there for them and vice versa! 

I have better efforts at keeping in regular touch with my friends, sisters, niece, extended family and peers who I really enjoy working and learning with. 

We celebrated so many festivals at home with whatever we had and could make at home :) 

I reached out for help...a former colleague and dear friend was my coach for a few months and helped me better understand and befriend my emotions rather than shut them down. Kanu Priya - I have loved each and every one of our check in calls this year that always turn out to be a whole being conversation! 

Working on the laptop for hours, this beautiful bell sound helps me pause, check my posture and just breathe......

Remembering these two sets of principles that are on my walls, my phone gallery and in my heart (again thank you Vibha and the Genuine Contact community for bringing these in my life) - 

"whoever comes are the right people; whenever it starts, it starts; when its over its over, when its not over its not over; whatever happens is the only thing that could have...." Harrison Owen

"show up and be fully present; pay attention to what has heart and meaning; tell the truth without blame and judgement; focus on and be open to outcome..." Angeles Arrien 

Taking care of my spiritual being 

I think it was this year that I really embraced being still. I am coming closer to a daily breathing practice thanks to the lovely Plum Village community. I even put up posters around my home to remind me to breathe.....The lockdown led to many minutes of just sitting in the balcony and just soaking in what was around. 

I am becoming more reflective - I have been more regular than ever before at maintaining a diary where I write, doodle, draw....since past few weeks I have been in the hills I have restarted a "gratitude" journal (thanks Vibha for this bug too!). 

Mentoring young facilitators gives me so much meaning - I love looking at draft designs and talk with young facilitators through their own journey. 

I love sharing my parenting journey with other parents and talk about our own journey at Aarambh with as many folks as possible. Thank you to our dear teachers who said no to "online classes" and have been gently guiding us to first take care of ourselves and then work with our children with love and joy. 

I go back often to my purpose and values as I navigate life. When the lockdown began and I was feeling quite lost - I went back and reconnected with my purpose ("holding spaces for conversations that matter") and values and these offered me direction about what I wanted to offer the world. 

This year I have painted, drawn, coloured, knitted, created, cooked, cleaned with love....mostly with my son ...thank you Ayan for bringing out the child in me so much more often .....and also for your focus and care in everything that you do! 

At the beginning of the year I wanted to bring in music more consciously into my facilitation - I played/ strummed my guitar in mostly all my spaces and also just for fun a lot more than I did earlier.  

Lastly what has done most wonders for my spirit is living in the hills for the past 8 weeks! We finally managed to get out and so grateful for our friends who helped us feel at home here. We just had so much fun in the first snowfall of the season! 

Wow this whole process of looking back through this lens was amazing! Though it looks like a really cool list of quite a few practices, not all of these happened consistently and not all at the same time. Like everyone else, I go through cycles of high self-critic, frustration with self into moments of self-love and acceptance. Having a bank of these practices helps me to tap into my self-love much faster and more authentically now. 

My wish for 2021 for myself and everyone is that we pay more close attention to the state of health and balance for our whole selves - body, mind, spirit, emotions and then just see the wonders in our life unfold. 

So here is my invitation to you - what can you do in 2021 to take better care of your body, mind, spirit and emotions? 

Letting go.....

For the first time, we are living somewhere else besides Delhi - Mashobra and Shimla have been our home since the past five weeks. The dense forest, the freshness of the air, the colours of the fall/ winter, the variety of long tailed birds, the meandering paths, the different sun sets, the changing shapes of the clouds, the starry sky.......all have added a certain stillness in me which I have not experienced in a long time. A stillness that is giving me fresh perspectives, motivation to do things I would not have wanted or felt I had time for, feeling gratitude for so much life has to offer, deeper love and connection with family and friends.....

And once in while something I experience gives me a AHA moment for my facilitation practice. 

One day we were were hiking around the hills near our cottage. I saw a path that was dense, coated with dry leaves and pine cones and leading down an interesting trail. I felt so drawn to it but my son wanted to take another path. We chose that and ended up back at our cottage through a rather adventurous and thorny climb! 

Since that day I could not wait to go down that path. The next time we went down I took my family to the path and after a while of exploring they wanted to go to another path. A sensed a feeling of tightness in my shoulders and frustration building up - I gently tried to nudge them down my path, yet they were quite keen to explore the other one. In a moment of clarity, I just let go of my path and parked it for a time where I could explore it on my own. 

We kept exploring down and up, across a small pond. And what do you know - we finally ended up in a similar part of the forest as my path and boy that was even more amazing than my path - and the best part that path actually eventually joined pack the path I wanted to take in the first place! My family kept asking "so was this as fun as your path?" and I said "even better". 

So what does this have to do with facilitation. I spend a lot of time diving into the context, the larger why, the vision, the values and participants before I get down to the design. In the design I explore a variety of ways to make the session engaging and also focus on outcomes that are important. I get lost and find myself again. Then once the design the ready I get down to prep - my favourite part - from the big things like the content, methods, templates, slide deck, pre work/ readiness for group etc....to the smallest of things like the music I want to play or the plants I want to keep around or posters I want on the wall. 

Do you notice how many "I"s were in the paragraph above...? I sometimes get to a place where it becomes all about me and I become distant from the group. As we open the space, we move through the flow and sometimes there is a tension - the group needs something and my agenda says something else - I feel the same tightness in my shoulder, the same frustration bubbling up and then sometimes not always a moment of clarity comes and I release - I let go of my immediate plan/ agenda/ activity and I flow. 

And so many times I find that where we end up was far more meaningful and beautiful than I could have ever imagined! 

This capacity of being open to outcome is evolving. What helps 

• as much of a consistent practice of grounding (breathing, gratitude practice, moving my body, eating well, resting, emotional centeredness, reconnecting with my purpose and values) - I first started doing these just before the session and now I see the shift in giving attention to this self care on a more regular basis 
• remembering that covering about the plan is a guide and not a prescription - the painting gets painted with the group not just by me
• giving myself pauses in between
• frequent check ins with the group with a genuine interest in listening especially when I feel at a crossroad and cannot see the next step very clearly, and 
• the discipline of reflecting once its over to capture what I learnt and what I would like to do differently next time.....seeking feedback proactively from participants, co-facilitators, mentors 

Do you resonate with this experience and capacity? What helps you in "being open to outcome" as a facilitator? 

(Deep gratitude to my dear friend Vibha who since 2013 is nurturing this capacity in me and the Genuine Contact community that we are both part of that initiated this learning in us)