My first trek: reflections and gratitude

Photo credit - Digant

I have been browsing India Hikes website and lusting over the snow peak mountains in their trek stories since many months now... Doubts about my own fitness levels, managing in the cold and living with frugal means in the middle of nowhere overtook every time I felt like clicking on the sign up button. But finally in March 2022 I signed up for their most basic The Dayara Bugyal Trek with my son! This was a experiential family trek meaning there would be many more opportunities for my son to really get a feel of trekking and living in the high mountains! 

I had six months to get ready. This needed mental, emotional and of course physical fitness to really be able to enjoy the trek - India Hikes was amazing in helping prepare for all three! For my son I had no worries - he is quite physically fit and mentally much stronger to navigate through this experience - having just recently returned from a 18-day community living trip with his class mates in Karnataka! 

Physical readiness 

Watching their videos and fitness routine suggestions - I had the goal of jogging 5km in 40 minutes. I needed to build my strength as well. Sessions with my physiotherapist had helped a lot with my flexibility but I had no strength! She advised a weekly routine with resistance band, weights and cardio. The goal of the trek was so motivating to keep the consistency - I tried to jog 3 km atleast once or twice a week and aimed for 5 km every Sunday. I was not always regular - but my body was slowly getting used to moving, toning and stretching! What really helped was recording my walks/ jogs/ cycling on the Strava app - it felt so good looking back at it and it helped me time my jogs/ walks. I also practiced carrying a 5kg backpack up and down the stairs. Upping my protein intake also helped build strength - surprisingly veggie options add up so little to the daily need! 

Mental readiness 

What helped me mentally was having as much information about the trek as possible - their website is a wonder trove of resources from stretching routines to how to manage during periods on a trek! Preparing and packing slowly also really helped - making sure we had everything

Emotional readiness 

My will and ache to do this came from speaking with friends who had done this before, talking about my fears and from knowing how I feel when I am surrounded by mountains! IH connected all families through WA and we had an online call. Their responsiveness and empathy for all of our questions was very reassuring. And of course seeing my kiddo so excited about everything from packing to every minute detail about the trek experience! 

The journey

So armed with all this we started our journey from Delhi to Dehradun on Diwali day! We met some of the other families in the evening and the next day enjoyed our last bath and set on for our 8 hour drive to Raithal - their base camp! 

The drive was idyllic - passing a section of the Bhagirathi river for a long time, the white peaks started showing themselves quite early on...motion sickness thankfully evaded us and we reached the base camp hale and hearty. Dawned in our layers we got ready for our briefing with our trek leader - Sanchana! We introduced ourselves and shared why this trek drew us. We understood the plan for each day and we also were requested to be mindful of the waste we generate and help collect any we spot on the way. 

The next day with warm up and our backpacks, we got going! 30 minutes of a steep ascent I was already falling behind. My heart was beating fast and I was beginning to have a feeling of heaviness I used to feel in school assemblies standing for hours under the sun. I just stopped and sat down - Suraj was the last person from IH to ensure all make it. He got worried and so did others. There were few moments of fright and despair - how could I not be ready for this even after all the training I did? will I give up already? will they ask me to come down if I cannot keep up with the group? And then I looked up and saw the snow peaks! My heart stopped and for all the good reasons. Suraj did not give up and neither did I. With my Mom's voice in my head, I told him and myself that I will do it - just slowly. I began again the steady and slow climb. I would walk about 10-15 steps and would pause for a minute. This way I slowly managed to read the first rest stop after 1 km. Oh the joy and sense of accomplishment I felt! I just plopped on the floor and took in the sun. 

The rest of the climb that day was difficult no doubt but I edged on slowly. When my enthusiasm began to fade, the universe send me a sign to nudge on - a 76 year old grandmother walking down, an Aunty telling me that being the last in the mountains is a sign that you are enjoying the journey, the crepe that gave me a burst of energy, the sight of the rays of the sun touching the trees, Simba our camp dog who walked alongside patiently waiting with me...the sounds of laughter of the kids up ahead! At every stop the team waited for me and joined in my joy of making it that far! At 2 pm after 5 hours of climbing I made it to the first campsite - Gui! Yay I made it:) I joined in for the stretching and soaked in the beauty of the campsite! The trek team nudged me on saying the first day was hardest and I could do the rest now! 

The temperature dipped around 4 pm as soon as the sun hid behind the mountains and out came our layers. Warm yummy food, fun games, warm water, cozy tents and the star studded sky made the night comfortable enough to pass:) And of course when I saw the 8 year old with her headlamp comfortably walking to the loo in the dark! 

Given the slow speed of day 1, I was advised to offload my backpack and carry a day pack. With lighter weight I was hopeful of the second day. The path was flatter in some sections through beautiful forests. Since it was a kids trek, there were lovely sensory exercises spread throughout. The snow peaks never left us - constant companions reminding us of the grandeur and beauty in stillness. Through some steep ascents again, we made it to the second campsite at Chilapada! We had reached 10000 feet! Another gorgeous location with the warm sun and majestic views made for a lovely rest. Kids found some recently fallen snow and played their hearts out! 

The evening was already so cold and we could not stop shivering! The only thing to stop feeling cold was to hike again! So Sanchana led us through an adventurous evening sunset walk up the forest with Kawal shouting "come everyone, let us go"....we made it just in time to see the orange laced silhouette of the peaks. The walk back was a bit scary, so we all sang along and talked. That night was the hardest for me...the cold, the constant visits to the loo, cramping in the tummy....I yearned for my husband that night...Ayan was the sweetest - asking me again and again if I was ok in the tent - if I was wearing my liner and sleeping bag ok:) 

The next morning the sun rose at the campsite...oh the joy of first feeling of warmth! After warm up again we started our hike. We had 9 km to cover that day up to the Dayara Top and then back down to Nayata - our last campsite! We left about 7 am and Sanchana this time made me lead the group. Somehow being in that position I nudged on and on for some time without pausing too much. But I did pause, everyone paused with me - this constant encouragement and standing side by side - was the most supported I have ever felt while doing something that challenged me! We reached the meadows soon and wow were they grand...just expanse after expanse...the feeling of vastness. We could see the Dayara Top in the distance and it felt so close. It was hardly anything BUT! Suraj and Digant (fellow parent) stayed with me as I edged on slowly again being the last of the group. We climbed up one peak and then down and then another and another.... Suraj must have been so frustrated with my whining! 

Finally we reached the base of the Dayara Top! I was exhilarated! I shed the extra weight and started my final ascent. I thought of my Mom and Dad and heard their voices of never giving up, that there are no shortcuts to success...my voice quivered and I could feel my eyes well up! I climbed up and slowly I was there. I had reached. I moved past my fears and my feeling of inadequacy and self doubt. I found a quiet spot and the tears just streamed. I felt so overwhelmed. I could sense my dearest Dad in all the grand peaks around me - speaking to me - telling me that "I am proud of you Beta"! We all spend some moments in silence. The wind was loud and strong. We could see the mountains till as far as our eyes could see. It was a beautiful peaceful and soulful moment that I have never felt in my life before. 

Our descent started - we had about 4.5 km to go. The first stretch was through the meadows and it was the most divine path I have walked on (the flatness of it surely added to the beauty of it!) The roti and aloo sabzi at the rest stop were the tastiest meal ever followed by garam chai. The descent continued. It was tough with stones, gravel, dirt...we had to walk sideways to avoid slipping and again I was very slow. A large part of the path was through a stream - I can still smell the freshness in the air! The knees started hurting - our fellow parents Rekha and Sanjay offered me their trekking pole and with 2 poles I was able to walk more easily! I remember walking down and seeing the yellow of the campsite and feeling there it is...but it was NOT! Finally we reached.... Suraj and Digant were chatting and that helped me keep my focus. This campsite was the prettiest of them all:) And who else made it even more beautiful than a shepherd with almost 100 sheep! 

The last evening at the camp was spent merrily with a grand feast, more games, garba and another beautiful night sky! The snoring of fellow campers, the howling of the dogs and the constant rustling of leaves made the night musical...ultimately sleep came and Ayan and I had the best nights in the whole trip:) 

Our last leg of the trek was a final descent to Raithal. Once we reached the last section of the forest, Sanchana invited us to collect things from the forest and co-create a mood board about our experience of the trek! Ayan ran off immediately and gathered stones, leaves, sticks...and so did I. We spent the next few moments enjoying making our mood board. After all were done, we went around and listened with heart everyone's experiences - the children shared most poetically and the adults chipped in with how the trek really nourished their souls! 

In some time we were back where we started - at Raithal. For me reaching there was a triumph - of will over doubt, of focus over distraction, of beauty over despair, of love over guilt. Seeing Ayan fully trust the experience and immerse in it made me proud - he carried his own backpack throughout, was ahead of the group most times and thoroughly gelled with the whole group - young and old:) 

We closed very beautifully with an appreciation circle where we gifted each other magnets and pins sharing what we loved about the person. It was a beautifully facilitated experience:) I really enjoyed my conversations with Kavitha and Chinmay (thanks Kavitha for your constant hugs!), with Jeet and Kawal, with Rekha and Sanjay and with my fellow Gujju Digant Bhai. The kids were a riot of their own and I just so enjoyed all the chats with them. The entire IH team was amazing - they love what they do and they make you fall in love with it too:) Deep gratitude to them for feeding us, for nudging us, for playing with us, for singing with us and for witnessing one of the most beautiful moments of our lives!  

Parth, my Mom, my sisters, friends were such a solid support - they never doubted we could do it and helped us with all our planning and prep every step of the way:) 

This trek taught me a lot about how to create a life nurturing environment to support people through a journey that needs the ups and downs for it to have meaning - to help people get in touch with their own inner strength and will - to help them see the beauty that can make all the ache, fear and doubt melt away! 

With some more readiness especially physically - we will be back! 

When we feel good, we do good!

 

As tiring as the drive from Delhi to the hills maybe, once that green tapering landscape starts unfolding something shifts in my energy - my body relaxes, my shoulders droop, my eyes light up ..... mountains have a way of bringing ease to our whole being - they engage all our senses and bring ourselves to a calmer state of happiness! 

As we design and hold spaces, an intention we can hold dearly is how can we bring more ease into the space - how can we inspire that same feeling of the sight of the hills?

A participant at a recent in person workshop (my first in 2 years!) said that she liked the "informality that was pervasive in the whole day while the supporting the group have deep conversation and make important decisions..." 

This was a very senior group of leaders across the country gathered together to discover common ground around a collective. 

As people walked in, the space felt inviting with visuals all across the walls, the chairs arranged in a circle with some photos in the centre and tables at the back with flip charts and post its. The whole day from the start was infused with play, movement and interactions. Not just kids, even we as adults are not wired to sit in a single place in a single position for long! 

Bells helped the group centre themselves and pause and begin together. The group introduced each other using a ball. Oh how much joy a small thing like throwing and catching (or attempting to throw and catch) can bring....

We suggested some norms to make the day more meaningful - including using bells for silence/ centering, ball as the speaking object, finding common ground, an "action" lot to capture what needs to be done, inviting people to "share the air" as they speak and listen with attention...People were invited to stand/ sit as they feel most comfortable to engage. 

Photo reflections and short games tied into the purpose of the day helped to shift energy and bring out the richness of raw enthusiasm without fear of judgment or need for perfection. 

Shifting the work space between the front and the back helped people feel more engaged and gave necessary pauses that are so crucial for us to help process and make sense of what is happening. 

The guitar offered soothing instrumental music as folks did their individual reflections and writing (and offered live entertainment at dinner where people came over to sing along their favourite tunes! - it also helped me bring to the group another side of me besides helping me stay calm.... 

We made special requests for reusable glass bottles instead of plastic ones. I also made unusual request of keeping some fruits on the side - as these are instant energy boosters. 

Through the day there was seriousness and light heartedness, anxiety and excitement, cautiousness with curiosity....there was flow..... 

"The day was very stimulating. Intense and allowed me to stay focused."

"Catalysing action is a thankless job, because the catalyst invariably gets subsumed into the product of its efforts..but that is also its strength - to create the new is a rare privilege"...

"Very well organised... the process, thoughtfulness & thoroughness of the facilitator...kept up the energy and allowed everyone to participate...pushed for ownership from the group..."

Of course there are learnings from the experience about what we could have done better to prepare or host the day. 

Yet at this moment as I look back so much care and thought went into bringing "ease" into the whole design - deep gratitude to my co-facilitator for sharing this journey.....the venue for the awesome natural light, open floor and adjusting to our strange requests (the space incharge was baffled at the thought that the whole day we would make the group do "activities"!).....and mostly a big thank you to the group for placing their trust in the space and process.  

I hope this lens of "ease" can bring in more depth, lightness and meaning to our gatherings:) 

Yes, Senses!!!!!!

Today as I was jogging in my neighbourhood, I got to thinking why I like to jog - is it because it helps me feel energetic, it loosens my body, it gives me a sense of working towards my personal well being....yes it is all these things...and yet more than that... it is ALSO how much I actually love to jog....and then I got to thinking how it really feels in all my senses.... the touch of the red sand on the track, the wind and sun on my skin, sweat (the good kind!) dripping on my neck, the strain on my leg muscles that tell me they are getting activated.....the sight of diverse dash of green with bursts of Gulmohar reds and Amaltas yellows - and the birds flying (if I am lucky I spot rufus treepies and barbets!)...the sun's rays streaming through the denseness of the forest...the sounds of the steady beat of my feet touching the ground, the birds, the rustling of leaves, kids laughing and the temple bells, the smells of the freshly watered earth or the flowers (oh the champa!) and the occasional curry....the taste of the water that feels sooo sweet after a jog! 

And it is so ironic that the more I would tap into my experience of jogging, the more my mind opened up with new ideas/ perspectives/ questions .... 

This got me to thinking how all this relates to how I feel when I facilitate - yes I love facilitation for all that it creates, inspires, nourishes, connects and strengthens....and yet it is so much the sensory experience of facilitation that I love...... 

The sounds of informal banter when people meet each other - when they work in smaller groups - when the break starts....the sound of my bells and the silence...the sound of music that just comes in at the right moments.....the sound of laughter....the sound of my own heart beat as I feel tense in moments of "not knowing"....

The touch of people when we hug/ shake hands/ put hands around the shoulders, the touch of the markers, paper, shells, leaves, stones and other objects that I bring into the space..the touch of the chair and ground when I mindfully sit with presence...my bare feet on the floor....

The sight of beautiful visuals (including what people call "messy" drawings/ scribblings) - a powerful glimpse of the wisdom and will in the room, nature in the room, seeing people engaging in all their emotions, the changing nature of the light as it streams into the room, and of course the food/ drinks....

The smell of the earth when we do sessions outside, some fragrant oils and of course the food/ drinks!!!! 

The taste of the water, coffee/ chai and nourishing fruits when we refuel in breaks (of course along with the occasional samosas!)

And also inviting people to use the senses to visualise the future state that brings in so much more depth, richness and nuance! 

The past 2 years we have tried our best to make our virtual experiences also as "sensory" as possible - taking extra care to not just set up our own spaces as facilitators but also inviting participants to set up their spaces so they can also deepen their "sensory" experience of the space...engaging with body, mind, spirit and emotions as much as is possible... 

As we are slowly getting back to the physical world, I look forward to saying with everyone "yes senses!" 

Meeting culture....What's that now?

Silence on asking a question can mean many things - one that the question was not clear and the less obvious one is that question was surprising. When asked to define what they understood by the term "meeting culture" - 15 people across sectors, timezones and ages who had gathered to unpack this topic - fell silent...until..one of them said... "let me give it a shot - it is a combination of behaviours, practices, values around meetings in a group".. others chimed in.. "its the ethos of the group...the choice of tone and language".... after 90 minutes of a spirited dialogue it was realised that while meetings are such a pervasive part of our groups, we very seldom pause and reflect on the "meeting culture" that we are ending up with or that we want to nourish. 

This article that provides an interesting meeting culture framework says "Meetings bring culture to life, amplifying both the positives and negatives within an organization......Meetings provide a realistic picture of how your team members relate to each other. They shed light on how your organization operates when it comes to power, decision-making, communication, and collaboration....." 

Our current meeting culture 

I began the peer circle inviting people to bring an object that to them represents the meeting culture in their group. A variety of objects came that gave a peak into both the life nurturing and life depleting experiences in meetings.  

Life nurturing

White paper (openness to learning/ acceptance; safe space authentic connections)

Book/ readings (socratic - equal set up; planned/ structured/ prep meeting)

Wedding ring (collaborative meetings)

Life depleting

Heart painting/ book Fearless freedom (opposite of this in culture)

Stress ball (ball rolling)

Bottle (bottled up emotions)

Zip (struggle to give critical feedback)

Airplane (rushed)

Jumbled up wires (go everywhere)

Unicorn (unrealistic)

Pen (controlling/ dangerous place)

You can see which list was longer! We ran a few polls to further understand's experiences in meetings. On a poll about effectiveness (achieving goal/ purpose of meeting); efficiency (in the right time); engagement (involvement in meetings), the group’s responses were mixed. While engagement was seen on a higher side across, effectiveness and efficiency received more spread out ratings from 1-5.

On a poll on which aspect of the person was engaged in meetings, the obvious result was the mind. When one person shared that "my heart races, my fingers clench, my hands sweat"...it struck me how quickly our body reacts to our external experiences. One person shared that when we talk about vision/ passion/ interests, the spirit is tapped.

On asked whether we can engage the whole person consistently across all meetings, one person shared that they are all engaged in some way whether we like it or not...If one has to engage them with intention - the group felt that it may not be possible or desired in EVERY meeting, however, engaging the whole person consistently across different types of meetings in the organisation builds trust.

People also shared that we tend to be more deliberate about meetings we do with external stakeholders and that much more less for meetings we conduct internally - as if we are on some sort of auto pilot.

What influences meeting culture?

People strongly felt that the overall organisation culture has a big influence on meeting cultures. One of the participants shared their group's experience - "The value of inclusion is practiced by making space/ giving time for people to share especially those who may need some more time to articulate and share. Also the leader shares after everyone has shared."

Past experiences, participants and the facilitator himself/ herself also have big influences on the meeting culture of a group. I have noticed this many times whether new people in an organisation continue to operate on assumptions about meeting etiquette from their previous work spaces - and since there is no "deliberate conversation" around meeting cultures - the behaviours are noticed but not explored or re-oriented in light of what is the "expected" etiquette in the current work space. (for e.g. coming from less engaging meeting cultures - people may experience "freedom shock" when they come to a space where there is higher engagement and inclusion.)

What are parameters of a "healthy meeting culture"?

• Work on the task

• Good track of time/ keeping to agenda 

• Everyone is heard 

• Collaboration 

• Helping everyone follow along

• Reactions to meetings - people look forward to participate in the meeting and regret it if they miss the meeting/ Fear of Missing Out/ people come to meetings even if they are optional! 

• How much of the agenda gets driven by the group 

• Keeping everyone in the loop especially for those who missed it, so one doesn't repeat everything in the follow-up meetings.

• If meeting with external persons, then at the end deliver some souvenir, publications or any other give away so he will remember on return too.

• People speak passionately and openly take responsibility for specific actions

• Before the meeting - People look forward to it. During the meeting - Don't know how time flies . After the meeting - People feel good about it.

What are the "visible" and "invisible" supportive elements of a great meeting culture?

VISIBLE SUPPORTIVE ELEMENTS Seating Food (what is life nurturing/ sustainable?)  What's on the walls/ environment? People engaging - Cameras/ mic most of the time/ raise their hands before speaking/ chatting/ emojis, gif etc. used? How much talk time is each person getting? equal time spent by each participant? What is the time between the meeting invite and actual meeting?  Not realizing how time has flown Laughter/ people's faces go through a range of emotions? How much time do people actually put in planning? Does the invite have a clear agenda Knowing when we'll get a break/ short breaks Time management/ respect for time Documentation (white board, ppt)/ Is anyone taking notes? Energy levels? Who is present? Who is absent? What if an important member is missing? Are tasks/ leads identified? How do people follow up on actions? Debrief/ Recording/MoM/Transfer of knowledge for future?

INVISIBLE SUPPORTIVE ELEMENTS How are people feeling?  How much responsibility/ autonomy do people have?  People's past experience Spaces to connect? How much truth is being told?  What is the say/do ratio?  Do things decided in meetings get done? Are people looking forward to meetings? Do the meetings bring people together?  Do people grow? Do people feel "good" after the meeting? Confidentiality Inclusivity Participatory Flexibility Acknowledgement Conflict management Decisions taken where possible without dragging it for too long Ideology/ Product advertisement Org culture  Weather (mood) Personality of the facilitator  Interpersonal relationships or the lack thereof

What did this dialogue stir in you?

People felt that this was a meaning making exercise that helped them unpack their experiences across groups they were a part of. It helped them reflect on how they showed up in meetings and what they brought in. It made them conscious about looking at meetings from a "culture" lens and how the organisation culture impacts this. Someone wanted to explore more about the challenges in creating and sustaining desirable meeting cultures and explore the intergenerational impact on meeting cultures. Someone wanted to explore how to support groups to strengthen capacity in facilitating meetings.

What did this dialogue stirred in me?

It was a meaning making experience for me as well - thinking through the topic - the questions I wanted to ask - listening to people's lived experiences of meeting cultures across ages/ geographies/ sectors - it is such a universally relevant node that offers a huge opportunity for groups to more consciously live their purpose and values INTERNALLY - it was a "treat" for my mind, heart and spirit!

It made me excited to bring more attention to this lesser explored topic and nudge groups to hold space for dialogue. Coming soon - "conversation guide on meeting culture"

I will end this post with this lovely quote from Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters- “The way we gather matters. Gatherings consume our days and help determine the kind of world we live in, in both our intimate and public realms. Gathering - the conscious bringing together of people for a reason - shapes the way we think, feel and make sense of the world.”

If this post stirred something in you, do share your thoughts/ questions in the comments!

Facilitation lessons from my physiotherapist!

After years of fumbling about physical routines and numerous excuses, I finally feel I have settled on a body practice with my new physiotherapist! I attended a four part session in January with her to start with focusing on hips, shoulder, upper and lower back mobility. She shared recordings with me later. I tried in my earnest to make these exercise a daily part of my routine for next couple of months. I put up a visual poster with the routine on my cupboard, placed my yoga mat in my room at night and started my day with the routine! (Thanks James Clear for the habit teaching)! My son would help me keep track which exercise I had to do every day! Yes I did slip/ skip on some days - on the whole I have never been this consistent with my own physical routine. 

Yesterday I had a follow up session where she reviewed all that we had done, corrected some, added more challenge to existing ones and added some new ones! I am so amazed that finally the habit and consistency has come and I really appreciated her approach! So this blog post is inspired from my morning exercise - where it dawned on me how her approach can teach me a lot about facilitating learning and change. 

Lesson 1 - Build an emotional connect 

From my first session with her, I had the feeling that she started from where I was and my reality mattered. She made me do some stretches to see what my current state was. She heard where I was coming from and what made me want to do these sessions with her. She smiled, corrected, held me when I was breathless or howling because I felt muscles I had never felt before or had never been moved before! She was emotionally connecting with me - I felt a human connection not just a transactional robotic exchange. 

As facilitators, yes we have the "technical" knowledge/ skills/ behaviours to impact - we have goals to achieve - all this cannot happen (at least "willingly" or "meaningfully") unless we make this human connection with the group. 

Lesson 2 - Check understanding of learning through live repeated demos, the SMALL steps matter! 

She would first show me the exercises, then see me doing them - and she helped correct so many small things - how far my arms/ legs stretched, how much my hips/ body were turning. At one point she made me do the stretch the wrong way so I could myself feel the difference. This is what made me listen to her recordings - the value were in her specific bite sized feedback on what I needed to do better. In the next session, she would ask me to repeat the previous set just to ensure I was doing them right. Even in later follow up yesterday, she saw I could some better and showed me what exactly to do. 

As facilitators, we have a lot of content to cover - it is very useful to stop regularly and check in through various ways how are the folks with what has happened - either through demos/ live practice or through asking reflective questions to check understanding and processing of what has happened. This needs scheduled time in the design almost I would say 60:40 ratio of content to processing of content! 

Lesson 3 - Frequency matters more than quantity 

She kept telling me its more important to do even if just for 5 min rather than wait around for the time to do the whole 30 min! I noticed the change of this immediately....there were times I was rushed or just did not feel like doing the whole set, I would do some bits of them at some other time of the day. My body slowly started responding to this - it felt more open, more energised and it was interesting these stretch routines actually made me want to go for walks/ runs/ cycling! As if my body was primed and ready for action:) 

When we help people/ groups make action plans - what is critical is how do we help them set up the right systems to make those actions happen consistently? For e.g. I am helping a group in "strategy in action" phase and we have worked together to define habits at individual and organisational level, tracking these, having clear accountability for the follow up. The actual & consistent execution of the strategy - even in small steps - will be a much more likely indicator of success from the strategy! 

Lesson 4 - Rely on learner's sense of where they are and how far they have come 

In my follow up yesterday, she asked me on a scale of 1-10 where was I when we started. And now where am I? This helped look back at my own journey and share what I felt had improved and where I still faced some challenges! We worked on those aspects and set up a time again a month later for a follow up! 

As we move with a learning process, it is so critical to keep checking where the learner is compared to where they were - and find those little possibilities/ opportunities of focus - which can help take them to the next stop....again scheduling time and having the right language to do this - and the "strong heart" to accept when things are not exactly where you thought they might be!  

Lesson 5 - Look for what else impacts the learning goal, its not just you!  

I have the issue of leg cramps at night and even after these exercises they persist. So now she advised me to do some blood tests and maybe I need supplements to deal with that issue. 

When we work with a learning goal - there are sometimes so many other factors that would impact whether or not the learner can or will apply the learning in their lives - we can be open to have these conversations with them in the hope that those aspects can also be shifted in ways to help them get to where they want to go! 

Thank you Doc! 

P.S. if you are curious about who I am talking about, take a look.

Reflections around the "purpose/ primary task" of the non profit

In my work with groups to build collective strategic focus, one of our core questions for exploration right at the beginning is "what is your core purpose as a group?" - what is your group's north star - what makes you wake up in the morning every day despite the many moments of frustration and despair? What is at the core of your work beyond the issues, the projects, the strategies? 

It is a unique combination of what is our passion, what is our competitive advantage and what the world will pay for/ what it needs. It is a deeper sense of what is the heart of our work! Over the years I have found inspiration from various sources to facilitate this conversation (Jim Collins, Simon Sinek, the Genuine Contact program). 

While it can be a very inspiring and uplifting conversation, it is also be very challenging. Recently I had the opportunity to participate in a very exciting dialogue around "the primary task of the non profit" hosted by Group Relations India. The discussion there spurred a lot for me and I wanted to pen down some thoughts - 

1. Talking about purpose/ primary task is fuzzy - it needs both the heart and the mind to be activated - and this can be hard for the group - because the daily typical conversations have become so intellectual - that it takes a while for the group to start tapping into what is at the heart! For some they get to it quick quickly, while for some folks it takes some time...therefore, it really helps to do some work on "readiness" to get into this zone. 

2. "Where does the core lie?" - while I encourage the group to uncover the purpose by asking lots of questions, unpeeling the layers of their work....it often is difficult to know where to stop. Is it at a point where the group just feels "that is it!" or is it when there is no further layer to explore? I wait to sense from the group where to stop and I often wonder whether I stopped too early (when it still sounds much like a heady mission statement) or too late (when the purpose becomes so broad and overarching that it often sounds like the "vision" - a future desired state).

3. Whose purpose is it anyways?  -  One starting point for this conversation is what personally motivates us about the work we do in the group. So people go back to what is it that drives them and makes them stick to this work. So it is hard sometimes to separate the "individual" purpose/ primary task with that of the group. The intention is to enable a space where everyone can listen and hear what drives the individuals and then pull out from these gems what is emerging as the "common driver"....This can be a painful process as well for some as some people may realise that the group's purpose/ primary task is far removed from what drives them personally. I often warn the groups I work with about this - and maybe it is even healthy. 

4. Is it static or open to change? - How long is the primary task/ purpose valid for/ should be valid for? This is a fuzzy question again. One of Jim Collin's test questions on purpose is - would you see this purpose valid for 100 years? Simon Sinek in his process for discovery of personal why says that the "purpose" gets formed quite early in life and pretty much stays the same. I often wonder about this. Many times I have also heard groups say that in times of crises we discovered that what we were meant to do was different to what we spent most of our time doing. A group that has been working on issue X for over 20 years began to question their purpose in the last 2 years when they started doing far more work on mental health/ self care whether they had strayed from their core purpose or was their core purpose something beyond this "X" they had chosen to dedicate their group's work towards? Often groups shift the focus of their work to respond to what their communities/ users need. Often donors/ funders question groups about their core purpose when they see this sudden shift in the focus of the work. So who decides this? Is this driven by what internally the group feels they are called to do in the service of their communities/ users? Or is it driven by what the external environment deems important? Is a shift in purpose/ primary task a reflection of "instability" or is it actually an indicator of "responsiveness, adaptability and resilience"? 

5. Push or pull of the environment - In choosing their purpose/ primary task - how far does the support of the external environment matter (funds available for the cause, people ready to work on the cause, communities/ users ready to engage/ the other stakeholders who impact this work, the system that legally allows the work to happen)......Sometimes groups choose very consciously to work on very difficult issues which makes them a hostile target of the current climate and a stand alone entity. Sometimes they analyse what the environment is ready for and choose their moment of initiation/ entry. Here also what is the interplay between the purpose/ primary task and the environment? 

I find these questions very very interesting yet perplexing. One of the best things I heard in the GRI dialogue was that non profit groups are on a path of striving to live by their purpose/ primary task - and it is a constant "dialogue" within and with those outside - to zoom out once in a while and ask - what is our primary task/ purpose - how aligned are we to that - what do we do to come back to it? And to expect and even welcome all the good, bad and the ugly that may surface as a result of these questions! 

I am so grateful for the amazing conversations I have had with all the groups I have worked with over the years. You have expanded my understanding of this and keep inspiring me to not be "stuck" to one way of thinking about this and keep striving to explore what these questions can lead to. 

P.S.: I remember this lovely scene from a medical TV drama where a young girl who sails professionally is in the hospital battling with some injuries and who cannot wait to get back to a sailing competition. One doctor says to her "you must just love every bit of this"...and the girl says..."well no, I sometimes hate the wind in my hair and all the craziness......"..the doctor is perplexed and says "so, why do you do it?"...the girl says..."because when I am up there sailing...it just feels like thats I am meant to do- that is where I belong!" 

First learning stop of 2022 - SCILS, an online course in facilitation

Every year I try and take some new courses to remind me of what it feels like to be a participant and also to add fresh energy and perspective in my facilitation practice and being. 

I just finished this amazing online course by a dear friend and awesome facilitator - Nikhil Mehta. It was a 3-hour self paced course on how to create and nurture Safe, Caring, Inviting Learning Spaces - SCILS!   

I loved the course design - it was playful and intense at the same time! I was quite hooked to it till the end and here is an attempt to reflect on what made it so - 

a) Safety - The whole anchoring of the course on "safety" was a very unique perspective for me. In my own approach, creating a "life nurturing" environment is the anchor and the lens of physical, intellectual and emotional safety widened my thinking around this. Safety as the thread was woven in through the entire course. I now have a deeper understanding of how to look at needs of the learners and consciously weaving these in my designs and presence. It reminded me to understand the position of "power" and the ways I can use or abuse these in a space. It helped me understand when my own safety gets threatened and how it might impact my behaviour.  

b) Attractive content - The course structure was quite detailed and broken down quite well - content wise it was very inviting.  I was curious about all the different parts. The content came in a variety of forms including a list of suggested movies that also were great examples of what "safety" is perceived, experienced and appreciated. To me what attracted me to the content was the balance of the technical tips, frameworks, principles AND the deeper inner awareness that needs constant self care and nurturing. 

c) Brevity - While there were 9 sections in total, each section was a mix of talks, demos, written content, additional resources and reflection exercises. The videos were never more than 4 minutes - so it so happened that I started a section and because the videos were so short I was able to go through them without feeling too much of a "visual and information overload". The articles themselves were also just the right length for me and so were the additional resources. I was able to go through the additional resources also in each section as I covered section by section. 

d) Authenticity - Nikhil's own real life experiences and journey as a facilitator and human being came through so beautifully and naturally through the whole course. He gave examples from his own life where he faced certain situations and how he navigated these. The way he also carried me through the course felt very "safe" as if I was experiencing what he was teaching. The "demos" also made it easy to understand what was being talked about. He was very mindful of appreciating and acknowledging all the people/ approaches that influenced him and this course. 

e) Engaging - Even though it was in a way not a "live" interaction - the way it was designed, I felt engaged throughout as if he was speaking with me, asking me questions, waiting for me to respond and connecting with what I was sharing. In some videos I could see Nikhil himself, in some I could hear him presenting slides and in some I could see him facilitating. An invitation to connect with my purpose of taking up this course, a mid point check in and again an end point check in was useful to connect the course with my context. Reflection exercises on what safety means to me and metaphors that come up for me were helpful to internalise the inputs. 

f) Purposefully practical - I found the content very relevant and applicable that I could use right away. Nikhil took the time to explain the "why" and "how" of the activities while all the time talking about the principles around which these can be seen. This gave me enough room to figure out when I wanted to use what activity and approach. It gave me more ways to look at challenging situations and come up with more innovative ways of showing up. I loved his statement "context based action for the here and now"! Even the final resources document had short explanations about each resource that gave them a lot more meaning.  

The course left me with with many practical tips that I will be able to use right away. I practiced all the games with my 10 year old! I already used an energiser with a group of 15 CEOs in an online meeting:) I have a great set of questions to ask when I want to use activities like these in my sessions. 

It has also left my spirit a lot more - it deepened my conviction that a mindfully held space can offer an "alternate universe" to the participants where they can feel heard, seen and felt for who they are...where they be valued for all that they bring into the space...that learning and collaboration can happen when we feel "safe" and "relaxed"......where the choice to engage rests with them and all we do is invite them with a whole heart, an open mind and steady feet! 

Flashback 2021 - A year of loss, continuity and new learning!

I used to believe that being in balance within your body, mind, spirit and emotions is what sets you up to have amazing experiences in life and work. 2021 was a good reminder that sometimes it can be the other way round. As we were just getting used to living with Covid, the second wave hit our family and we lost our Dad in May. He was a beacon of health and good living and it just swept him away in 3 weeks. I cannot begin to reflect on the year without feeling this lump in my throat of the biggest loss of my life.  Life changed for all of us in many ways and I just felt so scattered with bits of me being pulled in all directions - but my Dad's consistently lived values and habits helped me navigate the chaos.  

For my Dad, work was worship. All work was important. He genuinely loved getting up and ready for work and would come back looking so content - as if he had given his 150% every day. He would not shy away from doing anything - my Mom fondly remembers how he would iron her clothes every morning or make their early cup of tea. He was driven for excellence always pushing for better and at the same time he was so great at relationships - this did not mean he was soft with people but he was patient, enabling - asking questions instead of giving answers and was never afraid to tell the truth. He admitted when he was wrong and vowed to do better the next time. 

This year, my work helped me find grounding.  Every time I prepared my space, opened the zoom meeting, played the music, saw people coming in, experienced all emotions and heard people say things like "I don't know what you are doing but this space feels so safe.."...."I came in blue I am leaving so energised..."...."I feel amazed how much we achieved in this time..."... "it did not feel like work".....it filled me with joy, hope and energy. 

Looking back at early 2021 I had envisioned a year where I would consciously invest in my learning, I would take up bold assignments, I would generate work that is longer term with a group and I would bring more creativity in my online spaces. As I look back I am so surprised to see that I lot of what I had hoped for actually happened. Here is a quick flashback of the kind of online work I did, the amazing folks I worked with and what I learnt along the way: 

1. A year-long global exchange of alumni of international education seminars  

Having co-facilitated 5 education seminars over the past few years, my amazing co-facilitator Alevtina and I designed and hosted the first ever global exchange for their alumni of the Academy. Along with 5 online circles scheduled right ahead of the year from March to December, we also created a separate Facebook group to engage with folks through the year. It was so amazing to see every 2 months, enthusiastic folks from Latin America, Europe, South and East Asia come together to exchange ideas, projects, country situations and inspiration with each other. Though we noticed that Facebook as a platform is not so engaging anymore - people longed for connection and wanted to keep coming together. We engaged the alumni in the planning, design and also facilitation. We offered a variety of formats to keep up the "newness" and closed out with a lovely Christmas themed celebration! 

2. A training on "facilitation" for political/ social sector partners of a global foundation   
With 2 amazing colleagues from South Africa, we designed and co-facilitated a 2 week long global online training on facilitation. The whole experience from back end collaboration to the meticulous planning down to who will play the music or take screen shots to holding the space for an amazing group of facilitators from across the world was so uplifting for me. A parallel whatsapp group helped everyone to stay engaged before, during and post the workshop. Google drive offered a common accessible work area for the sessions. For my own sessions, I did pilots to test out my designs and also made my first 20 min video! I learnt a lot about collaboration, trust, planning, design, empathy, platforms, Spotify playlists(!) and how it is so important to keep the experience as "light" and less stressful as possible for the learners. 

3. A 3-month long leadership development for a corporate 
Along with my colleagues at Bullzi, we did some amazing work online that build on our experiences in 2020. We designed and co-facilitated a three month long leadership development programme for a cohort of about 20 leaders including assessments, trainings, coaching and an online "live" simulation. I was a part of some of the trainings and the online simulation. It was a super intense experience to come up with creative yet effective designs, to cater to the needs of different levels of experience, to work together with other colleagues with quick turnarounds and changing timelines. My highlight will be one of the planning calls where we came up with the idea of doing a "trust exercise" online with a blindfold, water bottle and a glass! I learnt a lot about these core leadership topics from my colleagues. I learnt about harsh corporate realities. I realised how much I value being prepared and that sometimes my drive for getting things done can make me closed to other ideas/ perspectives. 

4. A global online circle on "grief in the collective" for the Genuine Contact community
Along with my dear and wise colleague Nancy, we designed, piloted and co-hosted a 3.5 hour online circle on qiqo chat (a cool platform that integrates Zoom and Google slides). Amazing what made me sign up for this topic in 2020 little did I know that it will be so alive for me the next year. Nancy and I went through an amazing journey working together for almost 9 months coming together regularly to connect, learn and explore this topic together. We also hosted a pilot since it was the first time we were working together and it was beautiful to see the design come alive so meaningfully. I learnt a lot from this whole process - how to hold space with a full heart and yet not get overwhelmed, to accept that everyone processes grief differently and hence chooses to show up around such a topic differently, the healing silence brings, how co-facilitators can support each other to create a magical experience. 

5. Enabling collective strategic focus for a non profit
One of my favourite groups who I have done strategy work with (twice in the last 8 years) recommended me to another group - a group of passionate lawyers working to bring justice closer to all. After being in touch for over a year, we finally came together from October for a series of conversations for greater collective strategic focus. They were all in office and I was at home. It reminded me of the wonders of people physically being in the same room together - the banter, passing of food/ drinks, water spilling near the projector.....how I loved it! It was bilingual - english and hindi - we worked with Miro and a whiteboard/ post its. I send them over a box of goodies to liven up the space. As is with strategic conversations, it was intense yet very inspiring - always challenging me to see how to keep everyone included, engaged and feeling valued. Now I am working with the group over the next few months to integrate the strategy into their day to day. 

While the above were the more intense, I also loved hosting spaces for purpose/ value conversations, a learning session on "methods to the madness" with Quest Alliance and a couple of connection circles with fellows of the Community Connect Fellowship. I have loved all the conversations I have had with so many peers about their own upcoming sessions and facilitator dilemmas. 

I was immensely nourished this year by an awesome expedition with Gamestorming, a peer facilitator learning programme called RELATE run by my friends at Anew, and of course the ongoing mentoring/ learning/ experimenting with the awesome folks at our "Facilitator Learning Spiral"! We went through an amazing process to reflect and envision 2022 together. 

Creating my own storyline of the year, looking back at my Google calendar month by month and writing about all the varied experiences always fills my cup and gives me the energy and will to move with courage into 2022 - I feel like my dad coming home at the end of a hard & fulfilling day at the office - with a big smile and a bag of goodies! 

[A big thank you to my family for adjusting their routines, locations and handling all my crazyness and all the pats on the back for the job well done:) I love you! To Shankar and Chotu Bhaiyas for feeding me so well and giving me energy...To my dear sisters and friends who steady my emotional rocky boat...To Ayan to keep my inner child alive.....and my best bud Parth who continues to be my stellar witness and guide...]